Energy

Today was the day I decided that I could attempt church. It was the Children's Program, which I always get a huge boost from--the small bears are so sincere and hilarious. I did love the program, loved taking the sacrament, loved sitting in the chapel watching little families battle toddlers, loved watching the bishopric being sentimental about the sweet talks from their baby charges..yep, church is the best. I was overcome by a nap attack after church which resulted in me sleeping until nearly six. I woke up thirsty and chemofried. Ugh. The nap, a depressing visit to my parents' home and an inadequate phone call to Italy made me end up feeling like I am living underwater today. I'm impatient for the new, healthy normal to establish itself for me. Right now I'm seriously underenergized. I shake. My nails are growing about 1/16th of an inch a year with all their ugly crud and decomposition. My hair is nothing but duck fuzz. My eyes still drip and I hot flash day and night. I'm holding on to about 15 lbs of steroid chub. I feel like I need to walk far every day, but I can barely make it to the corner without feeling winded. I need to muster up enough stamina to take our four-day Michigan trip at the end of the week. Do I need to be on drugs to help this, or off drugs to help this? I sure hope THIS isn't the new normal!