Waiting Waiting Waiting

I haven't commented on cancer for quite awhile. I think I'm getting sick of thinking about it. Surgery recovery has been uneventful, with steri-strips doing their job, growing grubbier and taggier day by day, one set on my breast, another in my armpit. I finally pulled them off when it had been three weeks since surgery. My doctors have been straddling the Thanksgiving holiday with their consideration of the possible need to repeat my surgery, since the .3cm malignancy remaining from my  7cm tumor was close to, but not bordering on, the "margin" (the edge of the mass of tissue they removed). I saw the surgeon a week after surgery on Wednesday. A week after Thanksgiving, on Thursday, they were finally able to meet and discuss this as a group. My surgeon told me to call him Friday, which I did. He didn't return my call, so I waited again until Monday to reach him. When I did, he asked if I'd received his message--he left one on Saturday! We were moving my parents and I never thought to watch for any message on Saturday. Anyway, they all felt that repeat surgery was not necessary. So now I'm scheduled on Dec. 18 to begin the process of getting ready for radiation (a consultation and then measurements). When that's done, I'll eventually have five weeks of five-day-a -week treatments. At the same time, I'll begin taking IV Avastin again for 10 rounds, three weeks apart beginning Dec. 26.  Patience, patience. Sometime since chemotherapy ended, I've developed unexpected joint pain that is a little bit annoying. It feels most like the day following Nulasta shots, with pain in my bones that makes gripping, or climbing stairs or trying to remove my own shirt or sitting down in the bathtub very difficult. I repeated my question about it to my oncologist on Tuesday (I'd already brought it up at an earlier appointment) and he said we'd try to address it more specifically on the 26th, if I'm not dead yet was my followup thought! Again, I'm reduced to whining about symptoms that I know nothing about, every moment worrying that any new pain of any kind means cancer is spreading throughout my entire body by now! I wonder sometimes if I'm going to be able to stop thinking like that, or if worry about new cancer is just part of the game for the rest of my life. I guess that's up to me, isn't it? I want to be able to boost my own spirits and begin to live like a normal person again.