Friday, June 13, 2008
Frenzy
I've been in an "errand frenzy" since Wednesday, knowing that the inevitable weekend chemo crash is coming fast. It's like slowing down is a submission to my illness. (Submissive has never been one of my greater virtues.) I'm also having a hard time distinguishing between anxiety and reality as I try to remember and interpret what my body's getting ready to do. Each quiet little symptom puts me on anticipation alert. I feel hypochondriac! A lot of people know that I'm sick now. I'm not sure what they really want to hear when they ask how I'm feeling today. I know it's a courtesy question. The appropriate social answer is probably "pretty good, thanks." But I'm tempted to share the vague undercurrent that I actually feel, which would lead me to respond that today I'm steadily sinking toward an inevitable two-day trashfest, to be followed by the two-day flu, and at the risk of sounding whiny, I'm not so eager to go there again. This might lead them to follow with "Oh." After "oh" there's nothing left that anybody really wants to say about cancer. I like wearing my neckerchief and backward hat best. It's cool. Not "cool", but less hot than wig hot. Wigs are hot. Not "hot", but itchy, stream salt water into your eye hot. That's not cool.
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4 comments:
Oh...bless your heart, my friend. Now is not the best time of year to get adjusted to wigs. You are truly my hero.
I think you should be completely honest with people. If you feel like crap then tell people, and if they don't like to hear it then that is their problem:).
Dump the wigs! I really like your neckerchief look. I think you should just tell people if you don't feel good, just say Crappy when they ask you how you are feeling.(what the heck--right)? We all know you don't feel that great right after your treatments. Hang in there!
This to shall pass. You have a lot of support around you. We all think you are a strong and amazing person. Oh and you are such a clever and funny writer.
You tell them whatever you feel like telling them....It might be fun to watch their reactions and then you can laugh about it later! I hope you survive the next few days! I bet the nickerchiefs are cut, I can't imagine how stuffy a wig would be!
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