Not Quite Frowny

I know how important it is to keep all this relative. That said, the past two days have been "not quite frowny", but I have to admit feeling a little discouraged. I tried school on Tuesday. After a few too-long visits to the little restroom in my classroom, and a frighteningly swoony head, I called for a sub and left. Wednesday, I braved the drive again, determined to stay all day. We had P.E. time outside on the track, which helped. I took a nap on the blue rug during my lunch hour and left right after school. Four hours later I'd had another full nap. I felt like, sheesh...what to call it? What about Perky Survival Attitude? What about Grace and PMA and Courage? I'm sinking like a rock! Today, for the first time, I discussed "Medical Leave Of Absence" with my colleagues. I might call about that tomorrow and see what my options are. I proposed the idea to my aid Barbara, who was more enthusiastic than I thought she would be about possibly taking my new class through Christmas next year. There is such a deep sense of relief in the idea that I won't have to "keep it all together" next fall when the cancer plan has progressed to full drama. I think I'm carrying that fear of failing my new fall students like a heavy stone. It keeps me from being the brave, cheerful girl that I intended to be. Sorry. I better wait to write when I'm not feeling this pessimistic. How's it going to hold up when I feel BAD? She's whinin', she's whinin'!