Sunday, January 16, 2011

Composure

I've felt pretty good about my sense of control so far as I've faced cancer. But Friday afternoon, I got a glimpse of the real me. The new chemotherapy that Dr. N prescribed for me was not authorized by my insurance company. So, two hours before I was to begin new IV treatment, I was notified that I couldn't have this medicine. The gods had spoken! I did not feel happy. It's fairly common knowledge that I'm not usually a confrontational person. I can't even make my visiting teaching appointments on the phone(I might be interrupting someone's only chance to nap!)But all heck broke loose inside my little chemo-fried brain as I tried to communicate with the insurance company and then the doctor. Dr. N said, "yeah, my staff said you were a little...um, frustrated." I was WRETCH-ED! What makes an insurance company more knowledgeable, more POWERFUL than an ONCOLOGIST--the most god-esque of doctors?! Is it a matter of EXPENSE? They talked about "not commonly used as a stage 1 medication...other equally effective medications authorized...letter of appeal using "medical necessity" etc. But Dr. N did not appeal. He just rolled over and let them approve another more long-term compromising, more immune-depressing, more inconvenient, less desirable chemotherapy. You're glad you aren't living in my head because there's an annoying shouter going off in there that won't be quiet. It's left me to wonder what ever happened to "composure". Or trust. Or compliance. Have I been screaming from the beginning and I'm just now hearing myself?

3 comments:

Jessica and Brad said...

Gae, I think you are absolutley amazing and think you are an incredible woman with so much strength!! I love you!!

Heather said...

Just reading about this raised my own blood pressure a few points! This is so preposterous! Dr N. needs to go to bat for you....and by that, I mean he should use a bat, if necessary, to beat some sense into the insurance Gods. Hang in there!

Anonymous said...

Common sense has never been an insurance companies greatest attribute! It is always those that are not in the trenches that have great power in making decisions!!! Hang in there.....and remember it is ok to speak out especially when you have been so reserved for sometime!