Disarmament

Yes, I am stuck in monotony here on the blog. I'm having a hard time getting enthused about the cancer report, when all there is to say is, "abscess still draining". An elephant could have grown a new trunk by now! But, tomorrow, cough withstanding, there will be a new PET/CT scan. That holds promise for some fresh material, don't you think? There IS my mysterious, low-grade fever, climbing and descending at will, despite Tylenol, making me feel like a damp rag. I suppose I could report about that. I'm not as brave about going to the PET/CT as I used to be. My arms don't go up that well right now. So. Time to play the glad game. 1.I have arms. 2.They still want to do a PET/CT. 3.I live close to a cancer center (gratitude is always dependable for dis"arm"ing (snicker)a pity party!) What makes YOU grateful?

Monotony

My life reads like a shampoo bottle: Use warm water. Apply 1 Tylenol 3. Select 1 of 3 meds for nausea and apply liberally. Rinse. Apply 300 mg Keflex. Rinse well. Apply heat and sleep 4-6 hours. Awake. Shake. Repeat as needed...

Grounded

Yesterday's scheduled chemotherapy didn't happen. I'm temporarily grounded from chemo. I have an "abscess"--some pocket of infection that didn't go away on the Keflex I took following surgery. Now, after feeling like I'm fading for more than two weeks, I will take oral Clindamycin until Monday, use hot packs, and REST. Then, Monday morning, Dr. R. will make a decision--will I continue oral antibiotics, or go to the hospital for IV antibiotics and possible surgery? Obviously, surgery is not the best decision, since I'm apparently not that good at healing these days. But staff infection could cause a lot of trouble. So now, I wait. How am I feeling? Social answer: not too bad. Truth: :0( b.a.d.

Back Home Again

Surgery was a breeze! Blake did not stay at Camp Tracy as planned, but came down to spend the night and to see to it that I got to my appointment on time. Dr. D, anesthesiologist, was hero of the day, administering a sheer miracle dose of whatever he does--I did not throw up, nor did I sleep five times the typical duration in recovery. One polite hour later, I was on my way home nausea-free! My buddie came back down from the hills to make sure I was deposited safely in my bed, where I stayed until 11:00 pm. I woke up when the relief team (ie Jamilyn and Nathan) arrived. We shared a tasty bowl of soup and some divine herbal tea that made the house smell like a spice garden. A couple of essential e-mails later and I was back to bed with a Netflix movie on the lappy. I thought I'd have trouble sleeping, but no such difficulty! At 8:00 I opened my eyes after sleeping the night like a rock, movie unwatched. Without even so much as a pain med I"m ready to peel off the 24-hour dressing and hop into a hot shower for some post-surgery revival! I am blessed!

Ok then...

I'm having a new lumpectomy on Thursday, but I don't have time to talk about it. We're gonna make it through this month SOMEHOW! I did cancel my three UEN Technology courses for now. I wish I didn't take so long to wake up in the recovery room. It's rather embarrassing.

I Should But...

I should write a perky little update, but I can't make myself! Tomorrow is "resume chemo" day. I didn't quite make it, getting all my big burns healed in time. Anybody got a happy thought?

Composure

I've felt pretty good about my sense of control so far as I've faced cancer. But Friday afternoon, I got a glimpse of the real me. The new chemotherapy that Dr. N prescribed for me was not authorized by my insurance company. So, two hours before I was to begin new IV treatment, I was notified that I couldn't have this medicine. The gods had spoken! I did not feel happy. It's fairly common knowledge that I'm not usually a confrontational person. I can't even make my visiting teaching appointments on the phone(I might be interrupting someone's only chance to nap!)But all heck broke loose inside my little chemo-fried brain as I tried to communicate with the insurance company and then the doctor. Dr. N said, "yeah, my staff said you were a little...um, frustrated." I was WRETCH-ED! What makes an insurance company more knowledgeable, more POWERFUL than an ONCOLOGIST--the most god-esque of doctors?! Is it a matter of EXPENSE? They talked about "not commonly used as a stage 1 medication...other equally effective medications authorized...letter of appeal using "medical necessity" etc. But Dr. N did not appeal. He just rolled over and let them approve another more long-term compromising, more immune-depressing, more inconvenient, less desirable chemotherapy. You're glad you aren't living in my head because there's an annoying shouter going off in there that won't be quiet. It's left me to wonder what ever happened to "composure". Or trust. Or compliance. Have I been screaming from the beginning and I'm just now hearing myself?