Back Home Again

Surgery was a breeze! Blake did not stay at Camp Tracy as planned, but came down to spend the night and to see to it that I got to my appointment on time. Dr. D, anesthesiologist, was hero of the day, administering a sheer miracle dose of whatever he does--I did not throw up, nor did I sleep five times the typical duration in recovery. One polite hour later, I was on my way home nausea-free! My buddie came back down from the hills to make sure I was deposited safely in my bed, where I stayed until 11:00 pm. I woke up when the relief team (ie Jamilyn and Nathan) arrived. We shared a tasty bowl of soup and some divine herbal tea that made the house smell like a spice garden. A couple of essential e-mails later and I was back to bed with a Netflix movie on the lappy. I thought I'd have trouble sleeping, but no such difficulty! At 8:00 I opened my eyes after sleeping the night like a rock, movie unwatched. Without even so much as a pain med I"m ready to peel off the 24-hour dressing and hop into a hot shower for some post-surgery revival! I am blessed!

Please Pass The Courage

On Friday, Jan.21, I switched from oral chemo to a new kind of IV chemotherapy. Fortunately, I'm also off-track for the next two weeks. I'm nervous for a couple of reasons, One, Gemcitabine was not Dr. N's first med of choice for me. He would have preferred to use Carboplatin,which is given less often, with fewer long-term side effects. But my insurance company did not approve Carboplatin. Because Dr. N. felt like it was more important to begin a treatment, rather than wait through the hassels of gaining approval, Gemcitabine was approved and administered. I've never had IV chemo without a port--a small internal device for receiving intense drugs that protects veins and arteries from damage. Than medicine stings! The seriousness of its potential danger was brought home to me when the nurse said, "You have a small bubble of residue there next to your IV site. Before you leave, be sure to wash it off carefully, and use soap!" Safe for veins but not for skin? Second, I'm still in my 30-treatment regime of radiation. I've never had radiation simultaneously with chemotherapy before. Each treatment has its own share of side-effects. I've been tired and I'm beginning the rash and sores that indicate that my burns are ready to surface. I'm worried that I won't be able to stay healthy enough to keep teaching and going to college with all this going on at the same time. My nurse almost administered Carboplatin, even though it wasn't approved. I had to tell her. It took three sticks to get the IV going. She forgot my introductory kit and my support meds. She also didn't tell me I would need to have Dexamethasone first, to protect me from nausea. Here comes electric blood again! I'm so glad that Emily was with me. She is an art-line tech, accustomed to the needles, bags, lines, smells and inconveniences of IV drug administration. She made sure I was warm, got me drinks, kept me awake and distracted with happy conversation. I don't know what I'd do without that sweet daughter. She had been up since 5:30 working, but unselfishly gave her time to me. I love you for that Em. Thank you. "Gird up your loins, fresh courage take..."

So So Very Very

I really should replace my little Caroline (above) but I can't make myself do it. She is just so, so very very gone. (no guilt A2)

Prayers

My sweet sister Dawn felt compelled to organized a family and friends fast for me today. I love you Dawn! I'm SUCH a whiner--I'm sure I've left everyone with the impression that I'm a complete wreck as well as a mess. Truth: I'm a little scared to begin new chemotherapy tomorrow. There were some rough patches with old chemo and I don't have the luxury of being on "sick bank" now, with time to suffer with a little dignity, or time to recover sufficiently. I'm faced with another truth: I actually have anxiety on some level that I can't control. This makes me do crazy things like black out, hyperventilate, vomit..."I'm so degraditated!" (Amy March) I want to recover from cancer. I'm willing to keep trying. I hope to be able to control myself, but it CAN be overwhelming. So thank you, everyone fasting and praying for me today. I'm very grateful for our faithful trust in a Heavenly Father who knows why each experience has to be. I'm usually bad at humble, but I hope He can see me now.

Lucky Friday

Silver Lake Friday I was lucky to get to go to Silver Lake with Adam and his family, Jamilyn and Nathan. It was a beautiful, fresh day in the mountains, smelling of pine, buzzing with living things. We shared a yummy picnic lunch while Caroline marveled at the overly-friendly pot guts that begged for our food. Wild flowers were everywhere. We met a duck. We whistled on grass. We watched as excited fishermen pulled in small trout. It was a perfect way to spend one day in the beautiful world!

Loved That Much

Blake was in Reno on our 33rd Wedding anniversary last week. It was a little bit lame. But on Friday I came home from school to the gorgeous flowers you see above. It was nice to be loved that much, even if it was a little late. My gift to Blake was a tad more practical (it was a new electric toothbrush) but it said "love" just the same. I am lucky, lucky, LUCKY to be married to my long-time buddie.