Please Pass The Courage

On Friday, Jan.21, I switched from oral chemo to a new kind of IV chemotherapy. Fortunately, I'm also off-track for the next two weeks. I'm nervous for a couple of reasons, One, Gemcitabine was not Dr. N's first med of choice for me. He would have preferred to use Carboplatin,which is given less often, with fewer long-term side effects. But my insurance company did not approve Carboplatin. Because Dr. N. felt like it was more important to begin a treatment, rather than wait through the hassels of gaining approval, Gemcitabine was approved and administered. I've never had IV chemo without a port--a small internal device for receiving intense drugs that protects veins and arteries from damage. Than medicine stings! The seriousness of its potential danger was brought home to me when the nurse said, "You have a small bubble of residue there next to your IV site. Before you leave, be sure to wash it off carefully, and use soap!" Safe for veins but not for skin? Second, I'm still in my 30-treatment regime of radiation. I've never had radiation simultaneously with chemotherapy before. Each treatment has its own share of side-effects. I've been tired and I'm beginning the rash and sores that indicate that my burns are ready to surface. I'm worried that I won't be able to stay healthy enough to keep teaching and going to college with all this going on at the same time. My nurse almost administered Carboplatin, even though it wasn't approved. I had to tell her. It took three sticks to get the IV going. She forgot my introductory kit and my support meds. She also didn't tell me I would need to have Dexamethasone first, to protect me from nausea. Here comes electric blood again! I'm so glad that Emily was with me. She is an art-line tech, accustomed to the needles, bags, lines, smells and inconveniences of IV drug administration. She made sure I was warm, got me drinks, kept me awake and distracted with happy conversation. I don't know what I'd do without that sweet daughter. She had been up since 5:30 working, but unselfishly gave her time to me. I love you for that Em. Thank you. "Gird up your loins, fresh courage take..."