A More Positive Choice

If I were Catholic, I would give up whining for Lent. It's just not worth it. I'm going to use that kind of energy for something better from now on. I'm leaving the "post on fire" to remind me just how low I can go in a hurry if I let myself be discouraged. Today, teaching my primary children about the temptation of Christ, I was reminded of how much power we always have over our own circumstances, and the huge resource for comfort that is available in the gift of the Holy Ghost. All I have to do is keep my conditions, inside and out, so that He can stand to be with me! I think that discouragement is a choice, just like any other good or bad attitude I might choose to take. I know I'm strong-willed. So, putting that to good use, I'm willing myself to make a more positive choice, every time, beginning today. I need my Comforter with me, non-stop. I want Him to feel welcome here.

Stop.

3:40 a.m. My eyes pop open and my mind starts blurting off its ever-present mouth. "Make an authorization call for new oral chemotherapy. Shop for a mother-of-the-bride costume. Wondering what grade you got on your last project for ED PS Leadership. Did you leave the bunny outside? The unfinished bathroom tile feature strip is letting water into the wall. Do Jamilyn and Nathan need a visa for their honeymoon? You should retest P.E. to see if he knows his letters yet. Olive needs a bed at your house--where's the pack-n-play? If grandma B.is out of the hospital, why don't you go see her. Seven pictures to frame. Or is it 10? Did you buy milk? Froot Loops for pattern trees? Where DID you put Blake's camera? You won't have time for Christmas cards. Is Romania off daylight saving time? Would you please do something so people will stopstopstopstopstopstopgrowinggrowinggrowingupupupupup...

New Season--Low Ratings

You can see my problem with talking cancer these days. Season two just doesn't have the pazaz of that charter script. There's none of the OMG-I-have-freakin'-CANCER shock element, no pink rose, no buzz of tests, opinions, more tests, cancerglam makeovers, offers to sign with an agent, wigs, studies, core collection blackouts, "Save The Hoohas" t-shirts or any of the "what-do-we-do-first mind-numbing decisions to make. I'm sitting in a day-17 shower-free stupor, picking with disinterest at my dish of delicious neighbor-provided leftovers, wondering why I still have this greasy drain dangling from my rib rendering over 40cc of sheesh A DAY, sleeping at all the wrong times, failing most days to muster any do but "bed-head ala PJs" and craving sunlight. Deflated. It's a word that works in multiple modes of description at the moment. This state of mind simply does not lend itself to reader happy-making. I'll perk up for the next installation k guys?

Slipped Or Herniated?

A phone call today during Kindergarten from the bone and joint clinic regarding a recent 3rd MRI verified that I have a PROBLEM that's not in my head! Actually, it's in my neck...a "disc" that is either slipped or herniated. Ugh. Both sound bad. Whatever we decide to call it, I need surgery now. I am so not a fan...nothing more to say right now.

Terrorized

Yep I must'uv terrorized the post-taker, because look at that! My new post is back, right under there where I thought it ought to be. Ha! I'm so powerful here!

Where'd It Go?

I spent quite a bit of time making a new post yesterday with nice pictures and all...but where'd it go? If I did something wrong, it's a new something...hmmm...very mysterious! I think my blog's been vandalized!

Mundane Life

"Boredom" is a condition I don't accept at Kindergarten. When students try to tell me they're bored, my comeback is always the same--"Well then, unBORE yourself!" I don't think there's any excuse for a boring life as long as we have agency. Even if we're in concentration camp we can choose our own thoughts (see Viktor Frankyl "Man's Search For Meaning".) So, when I figured out today that the reason I'm not enthusiastic about updating my blog is because I feel like my life is too boring to discuss, I knew I was headed for dirt! (Mrs. Beckstrom) "Whose job is it to unbore you?" (Kindergarten) "OURS!" Yes, the fact is well known. So just because I'm off track for three (oh, two) two more weeks with a list of 31 mundane "must-do" tasks on a list is no excuse for a life too boring to write about

My five darling grandchildren loved Halloween. They weren't bored.

Blake is getting in the groove of being scoutmaster again (his favorite church job!) He's not bored.

It's been a year since I finished chemotherapy and I'm still here. Nothing boring about that! BUT LOOK AT THEN:

AND NOW:

See what I mean? I'm stuck in a yuck rut! Still fat. Still scary. Still overwhelmed by the backlog of things to be dealt with and no, this is not my Halloween costume! Report cards are over, the holidays are upon us, beautiful Autumn is in full swing and I'm a temporary Free Bird. If you happen to be in the same funk as I've been in...camped in my computer chair, no signs of sportiness anywhere, munching on leftover trick-or-treat candy, looking like I'm wearing my costume when I'm not, then how about looking yourself in the eye and hollerin'with me...UNBORE YOURSELF!

Name That Quote

Regarding blog list..."mischief managed!"

Bad Thing

I did a bad, bad thing here (in the category of "blow up the world" which I'm still convinced that I have the capacity to do technically--have you seen "War Games"?) In trying to learn/remember how to post new contacts for other blogs, I was forced to confront the fact (again) that I had assigned my brother-in-law Jeff (Captain Sinbad) as the TITLE of that list (I know...I'm a borderline idiot.) I was trying to resolve that error and it seemed logical that I should delete Jeffery as president of my contact club...so I did it. DELETE is a button with remarkable power in the world. When I do succeed in eliminating existence via technology, I have a strong feeling that it will be a result of engaging some DELETE button. Back to topic, my entire list of contacts followed Jeffery into cyberspace and no longer exists on my blog. Nada. No blogs for me. Oh great and wise hoods of the universe, come to my rescue! HELP! HELP HELP HELP!!!!

Mi Bebe!

This blasted economy has many consequences. But the most recently irritating has been not being able to justify this week, the cost of two people going to Michigan for no better purpose than to get a good look at our youngest (and of course, most beloved) child. I've been so bugged. But even in these perilous times, there is generosity. We treasure Blake's remaining Sky Miles, sure that one day we WILL travel to an exotic place--perhaps the once-promised Japan, or Europe, or South America, and free is the only price we'll do. But Blake obviously sensed the seriousness of my depravation and gave the go-ahead to use a few miles. Sooooo....this morning, nearly late for church, for the small fee of 25,000 precious (I'm not being sarcastic!) miles, $150 you-are-booking-precariously-close-to-the-actual-moment-of-takeoff" fee and $10 to Uncle Sam, I booked a flight from Kalamazoo to SLC TOMORROW :0) for Sweet Baby James to come home. There's hope in the world! She'll be here for the arrival of our new family baby! We can play in my off-track week! I can speech her about tuition and vegetarianism and car costs and boyfriends and beaches...all the good stuff. We can eat at Cafe Rio and go to Gateway to window shop at Anthropology (remember--the economy!) and watch Little Women and The Soloist and walk the changling Gmork (ie Kizzie ie Viviana) in Ivory Homes while solving most of the world's most pressing problems. We might even argue for old times' sake! Mi Bebe is coming home! Parental bliss! I'm revived! Economy busted.

Chicken!

I spent some time cleaning in my classroom today. I'm still avoiding the real work, which is to write down my curriculum plan for next week. What a chicken! It's easy to feel under control with cleaning. When something's clean and organized, it is. That's it. But I'm insecure about appearing to be "the better deal" after my permanent sub has done such a good job. My kids LOVE her! That's what I hoped for. It's why I picked her. It's why I tried to provide great plans for her, so she could be successful. But now, I feel totally unprepared to fill her shoes! Meh! I know how to do this...I'd better buck up real soon. Monday's a'comin!